The grapevine has it that Arundhati Roy has been offered the chief editor job at Faking News. On enquiring about this with faking News, their sources confirmed that interviews like this (http://www.rediff.com/news/slide-show/slide-show-1-rss-ngos-media-ran-hazare-movement-arundhati-roy/20110830.htm) made her a front runner for the post. "We weren't exactly looking for an editor but we were scared that Arundhati might start a competing website. While we take in articles from a big set of readers/users, Arundhati was single handedly generating enough crap to wean away our readership share" said a reliable source.
In conversation with us, Arundhati said she was elated with the offer and was looking forward to her new role. Correcting it, she said, this is a role she has been playing for quite a while now, but is happy to make it official. When quizzed about her vision for FakingNews, she claimed that she was going to remove it from the digital media and make it print only since the internet was full of RSS feeds. Her core team is to comprise of Digvijay Singh and Rakhi Sawant (whom she considers her equivalent in the entertainment industry). Talks are also on to get Sreesanth on board for the sports section.
She proactively said she would write 2 articles on the first day at office:
1. "Why Indian cars should be converted to left hand drive?"- people always overtake from the right. If this is not really possible, her proposal is to increase the number of left hand drives to be inversely proportional to the popularity and praacticality of the Left. This she believes is a sure strategy to increase the proportion of left hand drives.
2. A scoop on how McDonalds is funding hunger fasts throughout India. She asserts that she has information from a proprietary internal documents from McDonalds which states that the appetitie for burgers increases exponentially with fasting. We didn't believe on questioning how she got access to the report, since it seemed to meet the high benchmarks of absolute bullshit she has set for herself.
Wish her the very best for her new job.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Jan Lokpal: A Shankar movie?
The entire Lokpal scream reminds me of the decade old Shankar classic "Indian". An old man, a freedom fighter, fighting corruption. The story in fact seemed to have it right. They weren't only going after the politicians, but against the corrupt who affect the common man's daily life- the Government doctor who asked for bribes, the brake inspector who certified a malfunctioning vehicle. Viewers had a vicarious thrill- fighting corruption! It was nice to see on screen what we couldn't do in reality. Cut to 2011: An old man and his team of upright intellectuals have put down the draft of a bill they see as a panacea. Instead of the martial art techniques, the (ironical) new weapon is the fast. The Shankar movie of the 90s played in the box office. The latest one plays on English news channels- Times Now, NDTV, CNN IBN et al.
Why then can't we have the same utopian ending the movie had? Simple- the movie characterised people into black and white. The corrupt and the clean. The 80 year old man was clean, the guy asking for bribes was corrupt. Now, is this true in the Indian society? 99% of people and this might be an understatement have been involved in corruption in some form. Well, true we don't give or takes in A Raja's least count of lakhs of crores, but certainly corruption is ingrained in our society. How? Anyone who has taken an auto in Chennai where the fares are approximately 2X of what they should be are paying a bribe. When you pay the guy who cleans the sewage next to your home for his tea/food, you are paying a bribe. The point is that this is a battle where you are your own enemy. The battle lines aren't clear to fight.
The entire idea of a creating separate institution called the Lokpal seems meaningless. What are our anti-corruption bureaus doing? How do we ensure that the Lokpal doesn't suffer the same fate? In a country where Kasab is caught red-handed and not convicted, where S. Gurumurthy's incisively factual article on Dayanidhi Maran's exchange is not enough for an arrest, where there are what you call "gangsters turned politicians" (don't understand the difference between the two btw), what can a new power centre do?
Is it worth spending 90% of the effort on 1% of the impact by debating whether the PM should be under the ambit of the Lokpal Bill or not? Wouldn't the media castigate the PM anyways if he/she is accused of corruption? Besides, we live in a country where we are not really sure who the PM is? So, why the debate?
The big scams, those that the Raja's of the world are involved in require a strong judiciary. I don't understand law, but somehow the Kasab case seems a complete farce to me. The legal system seems to be counter-intuitive to the logical and factual system. The Election Commission, to a great extent has done a good job of being independent. Can we replicate it for the judiciary and the CBI?
Let's think about the day-to-day corruption which is most painful to the common man- bribes at signals, paying the EB wala, property documents. This to me seems a tougher problem to solve. Don't have a clue on how this can be tackled. Transparency and accountability seems like a good answer. What if the EB puts up a portal/sms app where people can register complaints and this is displayed publicly. So you have data saying 60 complaints, 43 attended today. Questions are asked (by the public/counsellors/whoever) on why the others haven't been attended to the manager(with some power to take him to task) and he in turn manages his sub-ordinates. You no longer have the the EB mechanic asking you for the Rs.10 for tea. He would instead come to you for a signature saying the complaint has been attended to, like the courier boys. An extension of the RTI, a dynamic one, where the key metrics are measured daily. Metrics are defined from the micro level to the MLA/MP level and all of these are made public. Elections are not fought on freebies, but on percentage success. This is how most organizations run, why not try it for the Government? Re-looking at some of our stupid rules seems to be another necessity. While we have moved from the perils of the Socialist era, some of our rules give us a sense of deja-vu. Why not eliminate those steps in the process which are most prone to corruption- e.g. approvals from a hundred bodies to construct a house. Why can't we have a single window system for housing approval, again with an easily measurable metric like number of requests, number reviewed and number accepted. Wouldn't the monkey be on his back to then get you the approvals.
Broadly, accept the noble cause that Shri Anna Hazare and his team are fighting, but think they are trying to play a T20 in a test match. We don't need a Gayle with the elixir, we need a Dravid who is willing to stand and fight for the cause.
Why then can't we have the same utopian ending the movie had? Simple- the movie characterised people into black and white. The corrupt and the clean. The 80 year old man was clean, the guy asking for bribes was corrupt. Now, is this true in the Indian society? 99% of people and this might be an understatement have been involved in corruption in some form. Well, true we don't give or takes in A Raja's least count of lakhs of crores, but certainly corruption is ingrained in our society. How? Anyone who has taken an auto in Chennai where the fares are approximately 2X of what they should be are paying a bribe. When you pay the guy who cleans the sewage next to your home for his tea/food, you are paying a bribe. The point is that this is a battle where you are your own enemy. The battle lines aren't clear to fight.
The entire idea of a creating separate institution called the Lokpal seems meaningless. What are our anti-corruption bureaus doing? How do we ensure that the Lokpal doesn't suffer the same fate? In a country where Kasab is caught red-handed and not convicted, where S. Gurumurthy's incisively factual article on Dayanidhi Maran's exchange is not enough for an arrest, where there are what you call "gangsters turned politicians" (don't understand the difference between the two btw), what can a new power centre do?
Is it worth spending 90% of the effort on 1% of the impact by debating whether the PM should be under the ambit of the Lokpal Bill or not? Wouldn't the media castigate the PM anyways if he/she is accused of corruption? Besides, we live in a country where we are not really sure who the PM is? So, why the debate?
The big scams, those that the Raja's of the world are involved in require a strong judiciary. I don't understand law, but somehow the Kasab case seems a complete farce to me. The legal system seems to be counter-intuitive to the logical and factual system. The Election Commission, to a great extent has done a good job of being independent. Can we replicate it for the judiciary and the CBI?
Let's think about the day-to-day corruption which is most painful to the common man- bribes at signals, paying the EB wala, property documents. This to me seems a tougher problem to solve. Don't have a clue on how this can be tackled. Transparency and accountability seems like a good answer. What if the EB puts up a portal/sms app where people can register complaints and this is displayed publicly. So you have data saying 60 complaints, 43 attended today. Questions are asked (by the public/counsellors/whoever) on why the others haven't been attended to the manager(with some power to take him to task) and he in turn manages his sub-ordinates. You no longer have the the EB mechanic asking you for the Rs.10 for tea. He would instead come to you for a signature saying the complaint has been attended to, like the courier boys. An extension of the RTI, a dynamic one, where the key metrics are measured daily. Metrics are defined from the micro level to the MLA/MP level and all of these are made public. Elections are not fought on freebies, but on percentage success. This is how most organizations run, why not try it for the Government? Re-looking at some of our stupid rules seems to be another necessity. While we have moved from the perils of the Socialist era, some of our rules give us a sense of deja-vu. Why not eliminate those steps in the process which are most prone to corruption- e.g. approvals from a hundred bodies to construct a house. Why can't we have a single window system for housing approval, again with an easily measurable metric like number of requests, number reviewed and number accepted. Wouldn't the monkey be on his back to then get you the approvals.
Broadly, accept the noble cause that Shri Anna Hazare and his team are fighting, but think they are trying to play a T20 in a test match. We don't need a Gayle with the elixir, we need a Dravid who is willing to stand and fight for the cause.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
When you can see Innaritu and hear Tarantino
If you are the kind who doesn't shudder at violence, if you are the kind you who doesn't cringe at profanity, if you are the kind who loves Machiavellianism, if you are the kind who can understand Tamil, go watch Aaranya Kandam.
There are clear influences- you can see the storytelling style, the animal fights, the parallel stories of Alejandro, the violence, the music, the black humour, the long scenes of Tarantino, the raw characterization of the City of God, but this is is so much Indian, so much Tamil, so much Chennai, so much galeej.
I'm not revealing anything about the movie here- it can't be read, it has to be watched, it can't be told, it has to to be heard. To Thiagarajan Kumararaaja and the team of Aaranya Kandam- take a bow! Would be a pity if this is not India's entry to the Oscars this year.
There are clear influences- you can see the storytelling style, the animal fights, the parallel stories of Alejandro, the violence, the music, the black humour, the long scenes of Tarantino, the raw characterization of the City of God, but this is is so much Indian, so much Tamil, so much Chennai, so much galeej.
I'm not revealing anything about the movie here- it can't be read, it has to be watched, it can't be told, it has to to be heard. To Thiagarajan Kumararaaja and the team of Aaranya Kandam- take a bow! Would be a pity if this is not India's entry to the Oscars this year.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Common Aptitude Test (Political)
A fictitious version of the famed CAT for political aspirants of today.
Q1. Sanity : Digvijay Singh as
a. Snow: Chennai
b. Behaviour: Sreesanth
c. Efficiency: Air India
d. All of the above
Q2. If Manmohan Singh is the PM of India, Sonia Gandhi is the mother of Rahul Gandhi and wife of Rajiv Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi is the baap of Digvijay Singh and Digvijay Singh is Kapil Sibal's mentor, then who calls the shots in the Government?
a. Sonia Gandhi
b. Rahul Gandhi's mom
c. Rajiv Gandhi's wife
d. All roads lead to Rome
Q3. If you give Rs. 100 to Raja and he gives what he got to Kani and she gives what she got to Mr.X, how much does Mr. X get?
a. Rs.50
b. Rs.30
c. Rs.20
d. Rs.10
Q4. What would Kapil Sibal's answer be if you ask him why the answer to Q3 is not Rs. 100?
a. There is no loss to the exchequer, it's all notional
b. Wait, I'm thinking of where to open the IIT for this week
c. Wait, I'm thinking of where to open the IIM for this week
d. Let me ask Digvijay Singh
Q5. Who discovered Newton's third law of motion?
a. Sir Isaac Newton
b. Narendra Modi
c. None of the above
d. Both a and b together
Q6. If the Left owned an IPL team, what would it be called?
a. Tripura Termites
b. JNU Jokers
c. Kolkata Refugees
d. Nandigram Natives
Q7. What does the Congress party do, 15 minutes before Digvijay Singh addresses the media?
a. Prepare the speech to be given later in the day saying that they dissociate themselves from his personal comments given as a party spokesperson
b. Prepare the speech to be given later in the day saying that he was misquoted
c. Plead with him and ask him not to speak to the media
d. Make him an offer he cannot refuse: "If you speak to the media, you will have to watch Abhishek Bachan's Idea 3G ads continuously for an hour"
Q8. Which of the following is closest to the meaning of the word "fast"?
a. It's what Karunanidhi does between breakfast and lunch for the cause of Tamils
b. This is what Baba Ramdev does to maintain his fitness but for some reason the UPA Government is scared of this
c. It signifies the pace of construction of the Bangalore Metro Rail
d. None of the above
Q9. What phrase best describes Rahul Gandhi's role in Indian politics?
a. Sympathetic tourist
b. The Devdas of UP elections
c. Heartbreak kid
d. Public relations expert
Q10. Why did the chicken cross the road from side A to side B?
a. Because Digvijay Singh was speaking on side A
b. Because the Left had promised side A of the road to the Tatas
c. Because Mayawati wanted side A of the road to be filled with her statues
d. Becasue Digvijay Singh, Left and Mayawati were fighting on who will get to do what they want
Successful clearance of this test is a necessity to join politics of today!
Q1. Sanity : Digvijay Singh as
a. Snow: Chennai
b. Behaviour: Sreesanth
c. Efficiency: Air India
d. All of the above
Q2. If Manmohan Singh is the PM of India, Sonia Gandhi is the mother of Rahul Gandhi and wife of Rajiv Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi is the baap of Digvijay Singh and Digvijay Singh is Kapil Sibal's mentor, then who calls the shots in the Government?
a. Sonia Gandhi
b. Rahul Gandhi's mom
c. Rajiv Gandhi's wife
d. All roads lead to Rome
Q3. If you give Rs. 100 to Raja and he gives what he got to Kani and she gives what she got to Mr.X, how much does Mr. X get?
a. Rs.50
b. Rs.30
c. Rs.20
d. Rs.10
Q4. What would Kapil Sibal's answer be if you ask him why the answer to Q3 is not Rs. 100?
a. There is no loss to the exchequer, it's all notional
b. Wait, I'm thinking of where to open the IIT for this week
c. Wait, I'm thinking of where to open the IIM for this week
d. Let me ask Digvijay Singh
Q5. Who discovered Newton's third law of motion?
a. Sir Isaac Newton
b. Narendra Modi
c. None of the above
d. Both a and b together
Q6. If the Left owned an IPL team, what would it be called?
a. Tripura Termites
b. JNU Jokers
c. Kolkata Refugees
d. Nandigram Natives
Q7. What does the Congress party do, 15 minutes before Digvijay Singh addresses the media?
a. Prepare the speech to be given later in the day saying that they dissociate themselves from his personal comments given as a party spokesperson
b. Prepare the speech to be given later in the day saying that he was misquoted
c. Plead with him and ask him not to speak to the media
d. Make him an offer he cannot refuse: "If you speak to the media, you will have to watch Abhishek Bachan's Idea 3G ads continuously for an hour"
Q8. Which of the following is closest to the meaning of the word "fast"?
a. It's what Karunanidhi does between breakfast and lunch for the cause of Tamils
b. This is what Baba Ramdev does to maintain his fitness but for some reason the UPA Government is scared of this
c. It signifies the pace of construction of the Bangalore Metro Rail
d. None of the above
Q9. What phrase best describes Rahul Gandhi's role in Indian politics?
a. Sympathetic tourist
b. The Devdas of UP elections
c. Heartbreak kid
d. Public relations expert
Q10. Why did the chicken cross the road from side A to side B?
a. Because Digvijay Singh was speaking on side A
b. Because the Left had promised side A of the road to the Tatas
c. Because Mayawati wanted side A of the road to be filled with her statues
d. Becasue Digvijay Singh, Left and Mayawati were fighting on who will get to do what they want
Successful clearance of this test is a necessity to join politics of today!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Operation Vittudalamo – If RAW finds Dawood Ibrahim
To non-tams, Vittudalamo in the title means “Shall we leave him?”
On a night of pandemonium, RAW claims to have discovered Dawood Ibrahim’s house in Karachi. They are ready preparing for the now famous Abbottabad-style attack. The stealth helicopters are ready to go.
RAW head to Home Minister: Sir, we have found Dawood Ibrahim in a house in Karachi, can we take him down?
Home Minister: Wait! We need the PM’s approval for this. It’s around 8 pm now. I don’t I can disturb him now.
RAW head: Sir, but its absolutely urgent. We will lose him if we don’t decide in a few hours.
Home Minister: Hmm. But aren’t you guys using Air India to go to Karachi. So what’s the point in me hurrying up with the approval? Anyway those pilots are on strike.
RAW head: Sir, we have our own stealth helicopters.
Home Minister: Okay, I’ll speak to the PM and get back to you.
Home Minister informs the PM about this effort. The PM is busy estimating if the inflation would come down to single digit by 2012 and is pissed off to be disturbed. This is where the information flow starts.
PM to Sonia Gandhi to Rahul Gandhi to UP Youth Congress President (UPYCP).
Rahul: So, it seems they are going to capture or kill Dawood. Are you okay with it?
Ram Jethmalani: I’m not okay with killing him. Please capture him and bring him to India. I will defend him just like I’ve defended all other criminals who were caught red-handed.
UPYCP: ¬Rahulji, no. We can’t kill Dawood now ji. With the UP elections coming up next year, we will lose minority votes if we do.
Rahul: But, can’t I salvage that by visiting some Muslim homes with full PR spotlight and then alleging that Mayawati is torturing and raping minorities?
UPYCP: Rahulji, actually I’ve spoken to Madamji also about this. You have been doing this for years now and we know what happened in the last election. We don’t want to be killed this election also.
The information flow starts backwards now.
Rahul to Sonia to PM to Home Minister.
However, unconvinced the Home Minister calls an emergency meeting with some key Indian personalities.
Home Minister: Listen, should we or should we not go after him? He is in Karachi.
Teesta Setalvad: This is a human rights violation! Even thinking about arresting or killing a terrorist is a violation of human rights!
HR Bharadwaj: We should dismiss the Yeduyurappa Government. They are responsible for Dawood being in Karachi!
Kapil Sibal: Karachi? Why don’t we set up an IIM there?
Prathibha Patil: But its Karachi!
Kapil Sibal: Then we should probably set up an IIT.
Pratibha Patil: Ya, but it should be an all-girls IIT.
Arjun Singh (from his grave): With 50% reservation!
Raj Thackeray: If you capture Dawood, we won’t let him into Mumbai. He is not Marathi. Btw, can you reserve 50% for marathi girls at the Karachi IIT?
Prakash Karat: No, we cannot allow our helicopters to use so much fuel for this operation. The fuel prices have risen and use of fuel by these helicopters will affect the common man. We will strongly condemn this and call for a hartal in Kerala and Bengal.
Everyone else in the room laughs! A loud voice is heard saying “Do you have short-term memory loss? You just got kicked out of both the states!”
Home Minister gives up and then decides that it is not worth it.
Digvijaya Singh convenes a press conference.
Digvijaya Singh: We have found Dawood Ibrahim in Karachi through Operation Vittudalamo. However, we have decided to not go after him.
Reporter: Sir, why? Isn’t he a dreaded terrorist?
Digvijaya Singh: No, Dawoodji is a freedom fighter. He fought for the needs of the poor and the needy.
Reporter: But wasn’t he responsible for the Mumbai blasts?
Digvijaya Singh: So what? We are secular. We let terrorists from all religions burst a few bombs here and there.
Reporter: Huh?
Digvijaya Singh: In fact, I have spoken to Forbes and asked them why he is not included in the list of richest Indians.
The press conference ends there. Arnab Goswami now walks into his own show on Times Now like a chief guest with the headlines scrolling : “Links between Dawood and 2G scam. 2G scam accused let off”
Arnab Goswami: So Mr. Raja, what is your take on what we said?
Raja: Arey, at least now I thought you guys will focus on some other news. But you are still targeting me. No comments.
Arnab: So Kanimozhi, what do you think?
Kanimozhi: There is no link between Dawood and the 2G scam. I’m very sure.
Arnab: How come?
Kanimozhi: Well, we never received any kickbacks from him. If he did benefit from the scam, we will demand a CBI enquiry to find out why they didn’t pay anything to Kalaignar TV.
Now, the PM calls for a meet since the issue is now a burning issue.
PM: We strongly condemn terrorism!
Reporter: Sir, but Digvijaya Singh?
PM: Oh, Congress and the Govt dissociate themselves from his personal views.
Reporter: But he is the Congress spokesperson!
PM: Anyway, getting back to this, don’t worry we’ve handed over a list of 50 most wanted terrorists to Pakistan. Why waste our helicopters?
Reporter: But the list had the name of a guy who is facing trial in India!!
PM: Oh ya, since time immemorial we have been giving them the same list and they haven’t cared! So we never bother to update it. Besides, so what if one of them is in India? While Pakistan is a safe illegal haven for terrorists, India is a safe legal haven for terrorists. We arrest them, put them in jail and kill them.
Teesta Setalvad: Capital punishment should be banned. Let’s call for a protest!
PM: No, no wait! I meant that we kill him through the sheer boredom of our judicial process. It goes on for years. So it is a natural death.¬
PM: Anyway, I’ve taken enough questions. I need to go for the IPL final. Couldn’t find any company. So have called Gilani over. Need to meet him.
Next day in the newspaper, there is a full page ad in the back page, with a smiling Arindam Chaudhari saying “Dare to think beyond the CIA: A case study on Operation Vittudalamo published in the reputed IIPM business journal”
On a night of pandemonium, RAW claims to have discovered Dawood Ibrahim’s house in Karachi. They are ready preparing for the now famous Abbottabad-style attack. The stealth helicopters are ready to go.
RAW head to Home Minister: Sir, we have found Dawood Ibrahim in a house in Karachi, can we take him down?
Home Minister: Wait! We need the PM’s approval for this. It’s around 8 pm now. I don’t I can disturb him now.
RAW head: Sir, but its absolutely urgent. We will lose him if we don’t decide in a few hours.
Home Minister: Hmm. But aren’t you guys using Air India to go to Karachi. So what’s the point in me hurrying up with the approval? Anyway those pilots are on strike.
RAW head: Sir, we have our own stealth helicopters.
Home Minister: Okay, I’ll speak to the PM and get back to you.
Home Minister informs the PM about this effort. The PM is busy estimating if the inflation would come down to single digit by 2012 and is pissed off to be disturbed. This is where the information flow starts.
PM to Sonia Gandhi to Rahul Gandhi to UP Youth Congress President (UPYCP).
Rahul: So, it seems they are going to capture or kill Dawood. Are you okay with it?
Ram Jethmalani: I’m not okay with killing him. Please capture him and bring him to India. I will defend him just like I’ve defended all other criminals who were caught red-handed.
UPYCP: ¬Rahulji, no. We can’t kill Dawood now ji. With the UP elections coming up next year, we will lose minority votes if we do.
Rahul: But, can’t I salvage that by visiting some Muslim homes with full PR spotlight and then alleging that Mayawati is torturing and raping minorities?
UPYCP: Rahulji, actually I’ve spoken to Madamji also about this. You have been doing this for years now and we know what happened in the last election. We don’t want to be killed this election also.
The information flow starts backwards now.
Rahul to Sonia to PM to Home Minister.
However, unconvinced the Home Minister calls an emergency meeting with some key Indian personalities.
Home Minister: Listen, should we or should we not go after him? He is in Karachi.
Teesta Setalvad: This is a human rights violation! Even thinking about arresting or killing a terrorist is a violation of human rights!
HR Bharadwaj: We should dismiss the Yeduyurappa Government. They are responsible for Dawood being in Karachi!
Kapil Sibal: Karachi? Why don’t we set up an IIM there?
Prathibha Patil: But its Karachi!
Kapil Sibal: Then we should probably set up an IIT.
Pratibha Patil: Ya, but it should be an all-girls IIT.
Arjun Singh (from his grave): With 50% reservation!
Raj Thackeray: If you capture Dawood, we won’t let him into Mumbai. He is not Marathi. Btw, can you reserve 50% for marathi girls at the Karachi IIT?
Prakash Karat: No, we cannot allow our helicopters to use so much fuel for this operation. The fuel prices have risen and use of fuel by these helicopters will affect the common man. We will strongly condemn this and call for a hartal in Kerala and Bengal.
Everyone else in the room laughs! A loud voice is heard saying “Do you have short-term memory loss? You just got kicked out of both the states!”
Home Minister gives up and then decides that it is not worth it.
Digvijaya Singh convenes a press conference.
Digvijaya Singh: We have found Dawood Ibrahim in Karachi through Operation Vittudalamo. However, we have decided to not go after him.
Reporter: Sir, why? Isn’t he a dreaded terrorist?
Digvijaya Singh: No, Dawoodji is a freedom fighter. He fought for the needs of the poor and the needy.
Reporter: But wasn’t he responsible for the Mumbai blasts?
Digvijaya Singh: So what? We are secular. We let terrorists from all religions burst a few bombs here and there.
Reporter: Huh?
Digvijaya Singh: In fact, I have spoken to Forbes and asked them why he is not included in the list of richest Indians.
The press conference ends there. Arnab Goswami now walks into his own show on Times Now like a chief guest with the headlines scrolling : “Links between Dawood and 2G scam. 2G scam accused let off”
Arnab Goswami: So Mr. Raja, what is your take on what we said?
Raja: Arey, at least now I thought you guys will focus on some other news. But you are still targeting me. No comments.
Arnab: So Kanimozhi, what do you think?
Kanimozhi: There is no link between Dawood and the 2G scam. I’m very sure.
Arnab: How come?
Kanimozhi: Well, we never received any kickbacks from him. If he did benefit from the scam, we will demand a CBI enquiry to find out why they didn’t pay anything to Kalaignar TV.
Now, the PM calls for a meet since the issue is now a burning issue.
PM: We strongly condemn terrorism!
Reporter: Sir, but Digvijaya Singh?
PM: Oh, Congress and the Govt dissociate themselves from his personal views.
Reporter: But he is the Congress spokesperson!
PM: Anyway, getting back to this, don’t worry we’ve handed over a list of 50 most wanted terrorists to Pakistan. Why waste our helicopters?
Reporter: But the list had the name of a guy who is facing trial in India!!
PM: Oh ya, since time immemorial we have been giving them the same list and they haven’t cared! So we never bother to update it. Besides, so what if one of them is in India? While Pakistan is a safe illegal haven for terrorists, India is a safe legal haven for terrorists. We arrest them, put them in jail and kill them.
Teesta Setalvad: Capital punishment should be banned. Let’s call for a protest!
PM: No, no wait! I meant that we kill him through the sheer boredom of our judicial process. It goes on for years. So it is a natural death.¬
PM: Anyway, I’ve taken enough questions. I need to go for the IPL final. Couldn’t find any company. So have called Gilani over. Need to meet him.
Next day in the newspaper, there is a full page ad in the back page, with a smiling Arindam Chaudhari saying “Dare to think beyond the CIA: A case study on Operation Vittudalamo published in the reputed IIPM business journal”
Friday, January 28, 2011
The film that refuses to leave my mind
When Vetrimaran gives credits to various other films, including a whole bunch of Alejandro Gonzale Innaritu films, it is surprising. As an ardent fan of Alejandro's works, I couldn't find any reason why Vetrimaran would give any credit to Alejandro for Aadukalam. This is the indication of greatness. When films are copied frame by frame without permission, who gives credit for inspiration these days?
4 hours post the film, it lingers fresh in my mind - an indelible mark. Very rarely in Indian films, do you find such hard hitting realism in a not-so-artsy fashion. The smartness impresses you. Using cockfights instead of a routine sport kindles your curiosity. The acting (Dhanush, Kishore, Jayabalan) amazes you. You feel you are somewhere in the Aadukalam (playground) playing the game of egos with them.
The presentation seems slow but is actually building up the characters into your brain, then to your heart and eventually into your subconscious mind. There is not a bit of commercialism in the movie, yet there is not a moment of boredom. The songs -Yathe Yathe and Aiyayo Nenju, and the BGM keep ringing in your ears far from the theatre. GV Prakash has probably come out with his best album as yet.
Polladhavan was good, slick and impressive but Aadukalam is in a different league. The one occupied by Tamil classics such as Nayagan, Devar Magan and Thalapathy.
To me, this film ceases to leave my mind - the same effect which The Godfather, Amores Perros, Rashomon and Nayagan had. A big salute to Vetrimaran, please give us more such works.
4 hours post the film, it lingers fresh in my mind - an indelible mark. Very rarely in Indian films, do you find such hard hitting realism in a not-so-artsy fashion. The smartness impresses you. Using cockfights instead of a routine sport kindles your curiosity. The acting (Dhanush, Kishore, Jayabalan) amazes you. You feel you are somewhere in the Aadukalam (playground) playing the game of egos with them.
The presentation seems slow but is actually building up the characters into your brain, then to your heart and eventually into your subconscious mind. There is not a bit of commercialism in the movie, yet there is not a moment of boredom. The songs -Yathe Yathe and Aiyayo Nenju, and the BGM keep ringing in your ears far from the theatre. GV Prakash has probably come out with his best album as yet.
Polladhavan was good, slick and impressive but Aadukalam is in a different league. The one occupied by Tamil classics such as Nayagan, Devar Magan and Thalapathy.
To me, this film ceases to leave my mind - the same effect which The Godfather, Amores Perros, Rashomon and Nayagan had. A big salute to Vetrimaran, please give us more such works.
Monday, January 24, 2011
It is time for Shaastra cores to zip up
While this post can/ will potentially hurt many of my close friends, it is imperative for me to put things into perspective.
I open my FB and there is this completely inane set of ex/current Shaastra cores trying to mudsling Saarang just before it is about to take place. Insecurity? Pretentious?
1. Shaastra is 1/3 the size of Saarang. Your record sponsorship was less than 75% of our budget. We have other revenue streams, something you cannot command. The best products in the world command prices for their content. You cannot. Besides, we do not get to a position where we need our alumni to bail us out.
2. Shaastra is where IITians acknowledge that they are good at something they ought to be good at. It is not a challenge, it is a showcase of mere necessity. If as IITians we cannot run it, we need to be ashamed. It's more like a kid being proud that he/she is a kid. Try being the man.
3. In my last 2 years of Shaastra, the crowd that had gathered was less that what you would find out in insti on a Sunday morning. Apart from lack of outside particpants, many insti junta have left the place. Quality participation it seems! Sounds more like Ravindra Jadeja showing huge potential. In this context, I find it hard that Shaastra EP cores have the audacity to criticise something else? You attract one row of audience in a theatre and call the film a success?
4. Shaastra is ISO certified. So, are Velammal Metric Hr. Secondary School, Surapet. So, is the unknown water cans I used to get in my house. Never knew clerical work invokes pride! Of course, it is difficult to get an ISO certification for Saarang. We don't run events where a maximum of hundred techies get orgasms from seeing an eerie-looking thing follow the coloured line. We bring southern India's focus to IITM. Not just those elite and the geek.
5. Shaastra is an innovator. Of course, there have been successful attempts like the Symposium, Coanda Lifter to name a few. But showing a laser show in continuous editions is innovation? Kishkinta, the theme park has been doing this for years. If your show was so very unique and cool, why not try ticketing it? Saarang online photography contest and its success is huge lesson in digital marketing. Innovation ain't just inventing bulbs? They can only be invented once!
6. Shaastra cores are stud. I don't deny this fact at all (SK, Melons, Vignesh etc). But that doesn't automatically imply anything about the Saarang core team. We can look at placements/CAT results for proof. Of course, Shaastra cores get good apps. But that is again doing what they are meant to do.
7. There is nepotism in Culsec elections and Saarang core/coordinator selections. Mates, how would it make any sense for the previous years cores having the final say in core selection? Isn't nepotism involved there? Isn't compatibility with the leader even a cause of concern? You may be the best coord, but if you cannot gel well with your co-as, is it still fine? Besides, you should start wearing trousers and accepting that networking and relations are as important as your capability in the real world. You have roughly the same number of cores for an event one-third the size. Productivty per core, can we measure that?
8. In the recent past (3 yrs), there has never been a credible opponent to the would-be Coas. It has either been a mockery of an election or no elections. Lack of a credible opponent could be due to three reasons. One - there is some sort of unfair pre-selection which keeps potential opponents out. Two - There is enough and more politics to make sure that the election is unopposed. Three- there is no sort of mentoring in Shaastra to throw up multiple candidates to lead it next year. All of the above are harmful. Besides, obviously there cannot be election-oriented nepotism when there are no elections!
9. No Saarang core feels insecure before Shaastra to defame it on a public forum. After all, we need both of them to make IITM the special place that it is. Noone cares two hoots for what you think. The mature understand it, those who feel sidelined that their sister festival is getting way more attention than theirs cannot!
X. What is Saarang?
Y. It's IIT Madras' culfest.
A. What is Shaastra?
B. Isn't it the college near Tanjore?
A. No, it is IIT Madras' tech fest.
B. Oh! Ok. So?
A. I thought it was cool.
B. May you labour in your delusions!
P.S. Of what use is a blade without a razor? It may be ISO 9000 and whatever certified but is of no use!
I open my FB and there is this completely inane set of ex/current Shaastra cores trying to mudsling Saarang just before it is about to take place. Insecurity? Pretentious?
1. Shaastra is 1/3 the size of Saarang. Your record sponsorship was less than 75% of our budget. We have other revenue streams, something you cannot command. The best products in the world command prices for their content. You cannot. Besides, we do not get to a position where we need our alumni to bail us out.
2. Shaastra is where IITians acknowledge that they are good at something they ought to be good at. It is not a challenge, it is a showcase of mere necessity. If as IITians we cannot run it, we need to be ashamed. It's more like a kid being proud that he/she is a kid. Try being the man.
3. In my last 2 years of Shaastra, the crowd that had gathered was less that what you would find out in insti on a Sunday morning. Apart from lack of outside particpants, many insti junta have left the place. Quality participation it seems! Sounds more like Ravindra Jadeja showing huge potential. In this context, I find it hard that Shaastra EP cores have the audacity to criticise something else? You attract one row of audience in a theatre and call the film a success?
4. Shaastra is ISO certified. So, are Velammal Metric Hr. Secondary School, Surapet. So, is the unknown water cans I used to get in my house. Never knew clerical work invokes pride! Of course, it is difficult to get an ISO certification for Saarang. We don't run events where a maximum of hundred techies get orgasms from seeing an eerie-looking thing follow the coloured line. We bring southern India's focus to IITM. Not just those elite and the geek.
5. Shaastra is an innovator. Of course, there have been successful attempts like the Symposium, Coanda Lifter to name a few. But showing a laser show in continuous editions is innovation? Kishkinta, the theme park has been doing this for years. If your show was so very unique and cool, why not try ticketing it? Saarang online photography contest and its success is huge lesson in digital marketing. Innovation ain't just inventing bulbs? They can only be invented once!
6. Shaastra cores are stud. I don't deny this fact at all (SK, Melons, Vignesh etc). But that doesn't automatically imply anything about the Saarang core team. We can look at placements/CAT results for proof. Of course, Shaastra cores get good apps. But that is again doing what they are meant to do.
7. There is nepotism in Culsec elections and Saarang core/coordinator selections. Mates, how would it make any sense for the previous years cores having the final say in core selection? Isn't nepotism involved there? Isn't compatibility with the leader even a cause of concern? You may be the best coord, but if you cannot gel well with your co-as, is it still fine? Besides, you should start wearing trousers and accepting that networking and relations are as important as your capability in the real world. You have roughly the same number of cores for an event one-third the size. Productivty per core, can we measure that?
8. In the recent past (3 yrs), there has never been a credible opponent to the would-be Coas. It has either been a mockery of an election or no elections. Lack of a credible opponent could be due to three reasons. One - there is some sort of unfair pre-selection which keeps potential opponents out. Two - There is enough and more politics to make sure that the election is unopposed. Three- there is no sort of mentoring in Shaastra to throw up multiple candidates to lead it next year. All of the above are harmful. Besides, obviously there cannot be election-oriented nepotism when there are no elections!
9. No Saarang core feels insecure before Shaastra to defame it on a public forum. After all, we need both of them to make IITM the special place that it is. Noone cares two hoots for what you think. The mature understand it, those who feel sidelined that their sister festival is getting way more attention than theirs cannot!
X. What is Saarang?
Y. It's IIT Madras' culfest.
A. What is Shaastra?
B. Isn't it the college near Tanjore?
A. No, it is IIT Madras' tech fest.
B. Oh! Ok. So?
A. I thought it was cool.
B. May you labour in your delusions!
P.S. Of what use is a blade without a razor? It may be ISO 9000 and whatever certified but is of no use!
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